Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?? A famous line from a song by The Clash (cue the fun music) and the question I found myself asking over and over again as my daughter with food allergies got older.  Parties, when she was little, were hard for all the normal reasons when you have food allergies (cakes full of allergens, hosts who may not be familiar with food allergy management, party favor bags full of unsafe candy…the list goes on), but there was one component that was easier when she was little…the moms stayed.  I was there to monitor what was going on, to help her navigate the food table, and get her that safe cupcake at just the right moment.  I blended right in with the gaggle of moms who were there happily chatting and eating delicious looking bakery cake.  

But, as she got older, fewer and fewer moms hung around for the parties until one day I realized I was the only crazy food allergy mom left hanging out at parties.  I wasn’t ready to turn her loose in food filled parties, but at some point we talked and she told me that she wanted me to go.  She wanted to be there with her friends- without her mom, like her other friends.

It has been one of the many transitions we have made on this food allergy journey.  But, one that we needed to make because, after all, my job is to equip her to manage her own allergies some day and attending parties on her own is a part of that process.  That said, it took a lot for me to drop her off at that first party.  And truth be told, the first few parties I “dropped” her off at I just sat outside in my car counting the minutes until I had her back in the car.

I still take steps to keep her safe including talking with the party host in advance about the menu and what foods she will be able to eat or not eat, and then talking with my daughter about them.  We also always make sure that the host is trained on how to administer her Auvi-q. I still walk her into parties and together we look at the food and talk specifically about what she can and cannot have…and of course her individual cupcake carrier is still getting some miles on it as we transport her safe cupcake to parties.  Unfortunately, there have been a few times that we made the difficult decision to not go to a party because it was just not going to be a safe situation, but these days I generally join the moms who run to Target and the grocery store during the party. 

This was before she flew solo at parties, but we are always prepared for parties with a safe cupcake and snacks! 

One of the most important conversations I have had with her about parties, besides what to do if she is not feeling well at a party, has been about how we think about parties. Our mantra has always been “At parties we focus on family, fun and friends, not food”. We talk about how we can enjoy the party even if we can’t enjoy all of the food.  I don’t know for certain, but I think this has helped her to think about parties in the context of people and activities rather than the food that often takes center stage at parties.

Parties can be stressful, but they are a huge part of being a kid.  Finding the right approach for your family will be important….should you stay or should you go?  That is up to you and each party will be different- sometimes you will stay, sometime you will go…but at the end of the day hopefully you will find a way to focus on family, friends and fun, not the food and Thrive On! 

For more tips on managing parties with food allergies check out the blog post I wrote for FAACT, Celebrating Safely.

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Learn more about me and my company, Thrive On Consulting, which provides food allergy coaching and training.  You can also follow me on Facebook for tips to Thrive On with food allergies.

Fourth of July - Tips for Keeping it Safe

When you have a food allergy, attending a birthday party requires some extra planning to make sure you stay safe.  America’s birthday is no exception.  This Fourth of July, be patriotic and prepared with my three tips for thriving on this holiday. 

Grill Master

Burgers and hot dogs on the grill are a big part of Fourth of July festivities for many people.  But, grills can pose a risk for cross-contact.  Cross-contact occurs when proteins of two foods mix because they have touched.  Cross-contact is dangerous for those with food allergies, as even a trace amount of an allergen can trigger a reaction.  If you will be grilling for someone with a food allergy, be sure that their food is completely wrapped in foil while on the grill, and plate food allergy friendly grill items separate from those that have come in contact with the grill.  Be sure to also use separate utensils when handling allergen free foods.

Don’t Leave Potlucks to Luck

Another popular Fourth of July activity is the potluck picnic- bring a dish and share with all.  Potlucks are a minefield for those with food allergies.  So many questions about ingredients, how things were prepared, and again concern about cross contact.  If you have an allergy and will be attending a potluck, be sure to pack safe snacks in case you are unable to eat food offered at the party.  And of course, bring a food allergy friendly option to share.

If you are hosting a potluck, talk to food allergic guests about supplying a few safe dishes. I think I speak for most when I say that we are happy to bring safe foods and reaching out to us means more than you know.  Or, work with guests to ensure that a few allergy friendly options will be available.  For example, forgo the homemade cookies and provide an allergy friendly option like Enjoy Life cookies which are free of the top 8 allergens.  Stick with simple options like fresh fruit and veggies that may be safer for food allergic guests.  

Another food allergy friendly potluck tip, organize the food so that allergen free items are on a separate table so that serving utensils are not accidentally used in the wrong dish or inadvertent cross-contact happens from foods being dropped or spilled as they are dished out.

Medicine Musts

When you have a food allergy you must always have your emergency medications with you.  Be sure to pack emergency medicines in a way that will keep them easily accessible and in a temperature controlled environment, EpiPens® should be kept within 68° - 77°F.  

Never leave your medicine in a car.  Heading to a picnic or firework show, make sure your medicine goes with you- for two reasons.  First, you need to maintain the appropriate temperature and we all know how sweltering a car can become.  Temperatures inside a closed car can quickly climb and compromise your medicine.  Second, in an emergency, you want to be able to retrieve your medicines quickly so that you can get your reaction under control.  Seconds count in a food allergy emergency so have your medicines with you at all times. 

Also, be sure to inform your friends or family members about what to do in an emergency.  Most children will be under the watchful eye of a parent at events so will have assistance immediately if there is an emergency.  But, if you are an adult or teen with food allergies, make sure someone else knows the location of your medicines and how to respond should you need assistance.

Wishing everyone a safe and Happy 4^th!

Product Disclaimer:

Thrive On Consulting does not sponsor or endorse the products listed.  Nor has Thrive On Consulting been paid to include these products.  Products mentioned here are provided as ideas and suggestions to help you Thrive On with food allergies.

If you find this post helpful learn more about Tami and her company, Thrive On Consulting, which helps families and individuals managing food allergies, and follow her on Facebook and Twitter